31 Birthday Reflections

A year ago today, we were all just starting to process the initial impact of the coronavirus… we had hope that it would be a blimp in the year, and not actually consume an entire year or completely turn our world’s upside down. We had optimism and hope, even as schools, gyms, churches and restaurants closed down. One good thing that came of the coronavirus, literally hitting on my birthday, was that turning 30 didn’t hold the weight it did leading up to the day – the pressures changed (but I am sure they’ll be back soon enough!) And here we are, welcoming 31.

This past year my anxiety reached new levels, a new kinda of anxiety, which has made me finally make my mental health a priority, even if it took 8-months. I’ve learned to go with the ups and downs, and when I need to take a break and when I needed to push out of my comfort zones to better my mental health. I’ve learned when I need to communicate the pain, the struggle and where I am at in the moment, so that other’s know how I feel and why decisions are made. While, not a whole lot of this past year made sense, what was right, what was wrong — with so many different opinions and thoughts, it came down to doing what made sense for me, what made sense for B and I. And not all of those decisions probably made sense to others, and I know future decisions won’t make sense to everyone either — but we are still trying to navigate into some semblance of normal, and that is still going to be disjointed for awhile.

I hope 31 brings back more moments of normal. I hope that I can continue to grow personally, continue to grow more in love with B, create new memories, focus on friendships, look for the positive, share love, learn new things, start making new plans, celebrate the precious moments, while cutting out the negativity in any shape or form it may be. So here’s to 31, another year of possibilities and hope!

Ten Things About Bee

So apparently I unknowingly have this every three year blog post going, that I’m excited to share again. And you may be saying to yourself, what are you talking about? Well, in order to share a little bit about me, the bee, to my new and returning readers, I am tackling ten questions, while including my answers from 2015 and 2018 (see, every three years!). It’s sort of funny to see how things change, or not — but I may be in need of a few refreshed questions, so you’ll have to leave your ideas in the comments below!

Photo by: Michelle Loufman

Ok, are you ready? Here we go!

1. If money was no object, what’s something you’d buy right now.
2021: A house in Jackson Hole with a personal gym (see what I did there)
2018: A vacation or four… maybe a sports car.
2015: My own personal gym.

2. Spring vs. Fall?
2021: Fall baby.
2018: Still fall. 
2015: Fall – clam bakes, sweaters, pumpkins, coffee, jeans, scarfs, cool runs… shall I continue?

3. What’s on your nightstand?
2021: Pretty much the same as 2018 — lamp, picture frame, phone charger, ring holder, coaster, medicine….
2018: Lamp, ring holder, small vase with flowers, coaster & water glass
2015: Pictures of me and B and my glasses.

4. What’s your favorite room in your house?
2021: Our basement bath is pretty dreamy!
2018: Although our sunroom is still a gem, my new favorite room is our master suite (it was not finished in 2015!) … and our basement makeover (reveal coming soon!)
2015: Our sunroom!

5. If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be?
2021: I think I want to bring someone back from the dead, but I’m not sure who. TBD.
2018: This one is tough, maybe some Bravo reality stars? RHOBH or Vanderpump!
2015: Too many choices…. it’s a toss up between Derek Jeter and Katy Perry

6. Name one thing on your bucket list.
2021: Hot Air Balloon Ride in Jackson Hole
2018: Travel to Europe
2015: Sky dive with B

7. What’s the best vacation you’ve taken?
2021: This past trip to Jackson Hole was pretty epic and special
2018: Our honeymoon to Palm Desert was a pretty great vacation
2015: Jackson Hole w/ B and my parents! The company makes all the difference.

8. Congratulations, you just won an all expenses paid trip to…
2021: Somewhere I wouldn’t think to travel that would totally blow me away like Bali.
2018: Lake Como & Greece
2015: Ireland & Germany

9. Backyard BBQ or Formal Dinner?
2021: A formal backyard BBQ!
2018: Same! But I do love a good meal out on the patio on a summer night.
2015: Formal dinner – I love getting dressed up, and sitting around the table sharing stories, good laughs and a bottle of wine.

10. What advice would you give your teen self?
2021: Be true to you, be bold, be brave, but also listen and learn with an open heart and open mind.
2018: Don’t let silly people affect you to the point of insecurities or anxiety – they do not define you, and there is a world of people out there that won’t tear you down.
2015: There is a much bigger world out there; explore it as much as possible, and even if you break away – there is still a bigger world beyond that.

Ok, that was still fun — but in all seriousness, I’m ready to shake up some questions & maybe even do another Q&A post in a couple months. What fun questions do you want me to answer? Comment below!

Celebrating Three Years Married.

B and I are celebrating three years married today! We’ve spent 242 of the last 365 days together in our house, making year three together one to remember. And as much as I always love looking back at our special day becoming Mr. & Mrs. and closing my eyes bringing back those feelings of pure joy and happiness — I also like reflecting on the new year as husband and wife that we have under our belts.

This year has brought on new challenges, for all of us. B has stepped up in a lot of ways, and I’ve been so grateful for that. He’s also learned a bit more about the ebbs and flows of my anxiety, especially my pandemic anxiety. This year has also showed how resilient we both have been to change and adjusting well together over time with the challenges of the pandemic. And a big part of that has been, due to the fact that we’re on the same page, we talk, we ask each other when we need help, take breaks to catch up in the day, look out for each other and still surprise each other with little every day moments.

In this third year together, we’ve become unofficial co-workers, deeply invested in Bravo reruns, have played a lot of Yahtzee, taken more walks with Moz, have stopped setting our alarms on the weekend, we played a lot of golf, took a much-needed risk and jumped on an airplane together, rocked out to Lady Gaga’s Chromatica album more than either one of us may want to admit, and cook at home more than ever.

And as much as I hate the pandemic, and a lot of things about this year — I wouldn’t ever change my partner who I’m so lucky to have next to me day in and day out to talk about all this crazy with, forget about the crazy with, dance and laugh through this life together.

Weekend Roundup – March

Well, when I was planning out my March content this post was going to be a fun one to write and jammed packed! Here is everything that we had planned and promptly was cancelled week after week, after week, thanks to the pandemic. Obviously, I am not the only one that has had a lot of cancelled plans/trips/life moments — but I was trying to overcome my turning 30 anxiety by doing as much fun stuff as possible. But in all honesty the perspective of this pandemic as I mentioned in my birthday reflections (it’s a good read) quickly changed the 30 anxiety into a much different perspective and reality — I mean it doesn’t even feel like I actually turned 30 😝.
MarchRoundUp(3)-beelifeblogOur Cancelled Plans:

  • Trip to Philadelphia for the actual birthday
  • Spa Day + Dinner with Friends
  • Jesus Christ Superstar Broadway Play
  • Parents Coming into Town for Birthday Celebrations
  • A hair cut
  • Cancelled Birthday Cake

So yes, there was a lot of fun and celebrating that was going to be had, between my birthday and then my Dad’s retirement we were going to have a lot of fun especially this last weekend! BUT, even though we had a few more quieter weekends than anticipated, we still had a lot of fun and made the most out of everything — especially my birthday weekend.

My Birthday Weekend. With our Philly trip cancelled, I decided to partake in all of my favorite things I love doing at home. This included getting a final workout in at the gym, sipping on some coffee and getting spoiled with fun surprise deliveries throughout the weekend which included champagne 🍾, flowers 💐, and a coffee ☕ gift card from one of our favorite spots Brewellas. Saturday night for dinner we headed to our favorite dinner spot – Georgetown, mainly because they have all night happy hour on Saturday and a tasty menu paired with delicious drinks. We overindulged and then headed home for more drinks, card games and music.
MarchRoundUp(2)-beelifeblogSunday we woke up and headed to volunteer and walk dogs at the local dog shelter we volunteer at. We then made sure Moz got out for her walk too before relaxing and heading over to an incredible impromptu birthday dinner at my aunts. They prepared Lobster tail, scallops, filet and a sweet potato dish — oh my gosh. The food was incredible. We finished the evening with my very own ‘Corona Pie’ which was pretty tasty and garnished with my favorite cake candies.

My actual birthday was on a Monday, so I took that off work and just enjoyed my day. We started my first day in my 30’s with a grocery trip, because the apocalypse was coming and March 16th is basically the day the world stopped – at least in Ohio. The first day of no school, remote working, gyms closed, masses cancelled, restaurants and bars closed… it was like a screeching halt. Luckily, I was still able to grab my free Starbucks coffee, to-go of course, before heading home and hanging out. I got a workout in and even took Moz to the park to soak in some of my favorite city views.
MarchRoundUp(1)-beelifeblogOther March Highlights. We’ve been cranking on house projects, one of which was our fireplace hearth makeover and another which I’ll be sharing here soon as we just wrapped it up this past weekend and did all the finishing touches. Moz has also gotten more walks this past month then she has in a long time, it’s been nice to get her fresh air and out catching all those smells. I did get to see my girlfriends at the beginning of the month — which was good to get that in, since they have littles and it might be awhile before we’re all together again.

I feel like I’m a broken record but it’s really important that we continue to focus on the positive — if you’re upset about the seven things that just got cancelled, find seven positives out of those negatives. Write them down, even. Remember to keep your routine, stay active, get outside, eat well and stay in touch with all your peoples. This will be temporary in the grand scheme of life and there is plenty to be thankful for 💛.

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My Truth About 30.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this post, how I wanted to approach it, how far I wanted to go, how honest I wanted to be, which direction I wanted to take it… IF I even wanted to write and share this post. And here we are. A few weeks before my 30th and I really did want to share a bit of my truth around my resistance towards turning the dreaded 30.
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photo: Michelle M. Loufman Photography

First things first, I’m not sure if it was my 16th or 18th birthday (my mom probably knows) that I really wasn’t thrilled about getting older, but ever since then I never liked getting older and have had a bit of Peter Pan syndrome with every birthday that comes (except for my 21st 😝).  So there has always been that, plus I’ve never really liked old wrinkly people and I don’t want to get old — plain and simple as that.

The second reason is all the social pressure that comes with 30, especially as a married woman. This social pressure and expectation of starting a family. There was a point in my life when I did think about having kids (very, very briefly), because that was what you do, you get married and you have kids and that is life. The second part of that thought was, I would want to have them when I was 30, because that’s how old my mom was when she had me, and she is my best friend now and I wouldn’t change that for the world — but this was always an added pressure that has continued to build as the years inch closer to 30.

Here’s the other thing, I’ve never been a baby person, I’ve never been that person who says “I can’t wait to have kids” or “I was born to be a mom.”  There are people who I know and are dear friends who have always openly talked about not if but when. And the when for me as of late has not been a question. But, B and I are on the same page, we have always been open and honest and have this conversation and this, to me, is what counts the most.

first photo: Michelle M. Loufman Photography

So why bother sharing all this? Well, I feel like there aren’t as many women out there sharing this perspective — maybe I’m only 1 of 10… maybe there are a few others hiding out there just waiting and hoping people stop asking or hinting at kids. Maybe, like me you feel confused, hurt and unsure about what is right and what is ok. And it wasn’t until I saw this interview with Margot Robbie that I just wanted to scream; “PREACH GIRL!” Society and the people around us, do a really good at making us feel like something is wrong with us because we’re different or don’t want the same things as the vast majority of the population do.

So there you have it. My double edge sword and truth of all my anxiety and fears of turning 30. I was recently critiqued for being a bit too honest and sharing my feelings, but that is honestly something that makes me, me and something I pride myself on especially in a world that is so politically correct all the time. And I always tell my mom, and B… I’m an open book you just have to ask me 😘.

So now with all that out of the way, let’s get to celebrating this birthday!

xox

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*DISCLAIMER: In two years, we could get hit by the baby bug (but I sure hope not)… but maybe it happens. In four years, we could decide we want to adopt and share our home with another soul who needs a bit of love on this earth. In six years, we might still be here with 4 dogs, traveling the world, hosting parties and loving on our nieces and nephews. And all of that is OK.